Microsoft word - purim shpiel 5770.doc
PURIM SHPIEL 5770
Brattleboro Area Jewish Community
Sunday, February 28, 2010 — 3PM
Kermit the Frog
Oscar the Grouch
Mr. Rogers theme
Sesame Street theme
Howdy Doody theme
Music cue : Mr. Rogers theme
. Mr. Rogers enters in a cardigan sweater and sneakers.
As he sings, he changes into rabbinical robe and tallis.
I’m so glad that you’re all here to celebrate
You won’t find a seat if you come late
Most of the year it’s a place of solemn dignity.
Tonight is the time that we let our silliness flow free, so
Let’s make the most of this Purim day,
Since you found parking, you might as well stay.
Please won’t you be, please won’t you be, (Stops singing) Enough, already! (He talks to inanimate objects: Hi floor, hello piano, etc.) Oh, hello boys and girls, moms and dads. Welcome to the BAJC neighborhood. Can you all say Shalom?
Sure, I knew you could. We have a wonderful service today
(Esther Bear Enters) Mr. Rabbi! Mr. Rabbi!
Why, it’s Princess Esther Bear. Chai there. How have you bean?
Mr. Rabbi, I have a big problem, and I need your help.
Haman is trying to get rid of all the Jews in Persia.
Well, that sounds like a serious problem. (Aside) Can you all say tsuris?
Sure, I knew you could. But Mr. Rabbi can’t leave his bimah toay. I have a service to lead. Why don’t you ask some your Beanie friends to help. Cubby? Halo? Valentino? Schlemiel, Schlemazzel, hasenpfeffer incorporated….
I tried. They’re all out of stock. I can’t get the Furbies either. Oh dear, what am I going to do? Can’t anyone help? Trolley? Mr. McFeely?
(Sighs) I’m sorry, Princess Esther Bear. Everyone moved out of the neighborhood and Nintendo moved in. In fact, Mr. Rabbi will gone soon, too. (Holds up suitcase) Can you all say Houston? Just kidding.
Well, you know what they say, when the going gets tough, tough go to Florida.
Head for Boca Raton, I’m sure you can find someone there to help you. (Music cue Sesame Street theme
Jews he’ll slay can’t stop him on my own.
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Boca Raton?
Just take I-95 south. When the cars are going 30 miles an hour, and the other half are going 90, you’ll know you’re there. (Exits, with suitcase, singing)
I guess I’d better get started. (walks a few steps) Look over there! (Music cue Rainbow Connection
. Enter Kermit the Frog)
We strive to balance the scope our our talents
We’ll never lose it, the Purim connection
This the everglades. You know, water, trees, alligators.
Well, the Street changed so much… I couldn’t take the pressure any more, always worrying about PBS funding and NEA grants. So, I’ve got a little pad down here. It’s not much, but it’s home.
Kermit, I really need help. I have to save the Jews of Persia from Haman.
Count me in. Just thinking about that bad guy turns me green.
Whell, we could go to Orlando and ask some the Disney characters…
Yeah, but they’re all licensed so we’d have to pay royalties. We’d be better off
heading down towards Boca. (Music cue: Sesame Street them
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Boca Raton?
It’s that way, let’s go (Music cue: Love Trash
Oscar enters with garbage can)
Well, if it isn’t her beanie majesty. Hey, Esther Bear, I didn’t know you were retired already. Sales fell flat, huh?
No, I’m not retired yet. I’m not scheduled until at least 2012.
Well, whoop-de-do. Why are you here then?
I need some help to save the Jews of Persia from Haman.
Gee, you know I’d love to help you — NOT. Besides I’ve got Mah Jonng at 1:30, and shuffleboard at 3, and then we’re off for the Early Bird special, have to be seated by 5, you know. Besides….
CHORUS: Oh, I hate Purim! All of the costumes and all of the singing.
After it’s over my ears keep on ringing, oh, I hate Purim!
Each year when Adar comes I want to hide
When greggers start gregging I quiver inside,
Queen Esther’s story they always retell,
They read the megilla, they stomp and they yell.
I’d rather be poolside with my good friend Mel,
I think that the whole celebration is dumb
At Shir HeHarim, they dress Rabbis like this.
Can’t even get Faith to give me a kiss.
No time for rehearsing, it’s all hit and miss.
I’m stressed out because it’s Purim.
Oh, Oscar, this is serious. I was counting on your help.
And I thought retiring meant I got to relax. So much for that idea. You’re going to need more help, though. We’ll have to call in THE BOSS.
No, the original children’s television star! Why, he’s so old…
Very funny. He’s so old, I mean so legendary, I’ll bet most of these folks won’t even remember him. Say kids, what time is it?
Cong: It’s Howdy Doody time (Applause sign – Howdy Doody enters) H:
How is everyone out there in the Peanut Gallery? (Music cue: Howdy Doody
It’s Howdy Doody time, it’s Howdy Doody time,
I’m as old as dirt and so, you’ve never seen my show.
For years I was the best, then I moved south to rest
And here my fame is large, so I’m in charge.
It’s hamentashen time, since I’m well past my prime,
I eat the ones with prune, they keep me goin’ ‘til noon
So, let’s go save the Jews before I have to snooze
I say, let’s help the bear, it’s only fair.
Fair, that reminds me… Remember kids, whether you live in Brattleboro or Keene, you should always put on a lot of sunscreen! (Reaches into pocket and puts sunscreen lotion on nose)
Oh! You’ll help? Oh, thank you. Let’s go.
Ok, if you’re really set on this, let me see what I can find in here to use. (Reaches into garbage can)
(Looks into can) Gee, there’s more stuff in there than there is in attic above Faith’s office.
Yep, most of it is about that useful too (Bends over) ouch!
Dry rot. Let’s see what we have here (Digs in the can). This is good, looks like this is from Wiley Coyote. He’s on a cruise now, you know, his nerves are just about shot! (H pulls stuff out of the box: Acme dynamite, big mousetrap, large mallet, electric cord, lightening bolt, anvil, other implements of destruction)
Thanks, I think. Which way is Shushan (All point in different directions. Music
cue Sesame Street
All: Purim Day, won’t let the bad guys stay.
We’ll catch ha-man and soon he’ll be gone.
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Shu-uu-shan?
So, what do we do with all of this chazerai? (Music cue Teletubbies
Over the hills and far away, Telebubbies come to play.
Time for Telebubbies, Time for Telebubbies
Time for Telebubbies, already! (Telebubbies enter)
Tipsy says, I’m a Telebubby. What do I look like, chopped liver?
Hey, nice purse (TB1 hits him with purse)
TB2: Gae aveck. (TB1 hits him with purse) E:
Now we really need to hurry if we’re going to save the Jews from Haman.
TB2: Gae gesindt. (TB1 hits him with purse). R:
Dinky-Stinky needs to work on control issue.
TB2: Gae kacken aufen yam (TB1 hits him with purse) R:
And Tipsy needs to keep her big mouth shut (Music cue: Sesame Street
All: Purim Day, now we’re all on our way
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Shu-uu-shan
TB2: Oyvey (points as inflatable doll wearing a 3-cornered hat is tossed to front) Uh oh. E:
I guess we’re saved (Music cue: Sesame Street theme)
All: Purim Day, and now we end our play
All of us at BAJC, glad you came to BAJC.
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